22. uncle fester - Sick Sacraments

22. uncle fester

On the way back to her desk, she decided to pour herself another cup  

of coffee. This time, she decided to drink it black. Whether it was  

going to remain that way or not, concerned her little. Her thoughts  

were elsewhere.

Mr. Cole had notified her that the blow to Martin’s head had required  

twelve stitches. They had had to shave the right side of his head  

and, although his nose had not been broken by the Mr. Thorndorn’s  

spastic jab, there was some damage. Candi shrieked and put her hands  

to her mouth, as Uncle Fester suddenly appeared in front of her desk  

as if rising from the ground. His beady red eyes peered out from his  

swollen face.

“Martin! Oh my god! Oh my god …” she screamed repeatedly, rising >from  

her chair and taking a step back. “Oh, Martin!” she said again, taking  

a Kleentex to cover her gaping mouth. “Oh, Martin. How could you do  

such a thing? Stop scaring me! Why do you think that’s funny? Martin,  

you look awful. Can you even see with your eyes so swelled up. I bet  

you that hurts a lot.”

Even in his current mangled physical condition, Martin’s talent of  

appearing unexpectedly at her desk never ceased to amaze Candi. It  

usually promoted some reaction in her, only this time disgust and  

empathy were added to the feeling. “How did you get here? I mean …”  

She gulped loudly. “Martin! How did you get here to my desk without  

me noticing you?”

Martin mumbled something inaudible back as he pinched his nose,  

snorted, and rolled the nose crumbs between his fingers. She shook  

her head and dropped her jaw in disgust. Martin’s eyes began to  

water, tiny tears appeared at the sides of his cheek.

“Oh god, Martin. Your nose is bleeding.” She nervously handed Martin  

several sheets of Kleentex. Martin took the wadded-up facial tissue  

and blotted his nose.

Candi felt pity for the pathetic Uncle Fester. Tremendous sympathy,  

suddenly overcame her and she kissed her hand and laid it softly on  

the stitched side of Martin’s painfully modern haircut. Martin  

accepted Candi’s comfort but jerked back briefly in pain at her touch  

and gave her a lobotomized smile. He placed a pastry box on the  

counter in front of Candi.

“Martin. Are you okay? Did you buy donuts?” she asked teasingly.

“Mr Cole said … anytime … look about.”

“But you don’t start for another month, at least. By the looks of  

you, probably not before the end of the year. Martin you don’t look  

too good.”

“Yeah, okay? I look worse than I feel.”

“You can certainly say that again.” Martin laughed and Candi  

chuckled. “Say, what kind of drugs do they have you on? That cut …”  

she said, pointing to Martin’s head, “and your face. They must hurt.”

“That reminds me. I’ve got to take a pain pill.” He reached into his  

coat pocket. “Open the box and see what kind of donuts I got you.”

“I thought you would be traumatized by pastry boxes. I guess the urge  

for sweets can overcome any fear.” She opened the lid. “Oh look a  

little fuzzy one, pour moi.”

“I bought all kinds. Bismarck, cake, glazed, coconut, sprinkles and  

jelly filled, my favorite.”

“I know.”

“Know what?”

“Just by the way you dress. You are a jelly filled kind of guy.”

Martin thought that Candi was referring to his new company uniform.  

He certainly did feel rather colorful today with his white shirt,  

brown pants and orange jacket. His black patent leather shoes  

reflected the neon office light.

“Pour yourself a cup of coffee. I’ve already got one.”

“Sorry about your cup, Hun.”

“Yeah. Too bad.” She cringed as she remembered its demise. “I hauled  

out this Delta Smelts cup that I got, god knows when.” The phone  

rang, and Candi was annoyed at the distraction.

“Martin, wait in the canteen,” she directed, pointing to the gray  

swinging doors at the end of the gray carpeted, neon lit corridor,  

“and take the pastry box with you.” She pushed the box toward him.  

“I’ll meet you there,” she said and answered the incoming call.

There was a long pause and Candi repeated her greeting.

“Mr. Thorndorn?” came the voice at the other end of the telephone line.

“No. I’m sorry. Mr. Thorndorn is not in at the moment. Can I take a  

message?” Before Candi could finish her sentence, the caller hung up.

Puzzled and a bit spooked, Candi broke her coconut donut in half and  

dunked it into her cup of coffee. Martin stomping on the floor to  

make air percolate into the plastic bottle caught her attention and  

she glared at him.

Martin looked up at her in surprise. “I need some water to down the  

pill.”

“Stop playing with the water cooler, Martin.”

“Mr. Griess,” Mr. Thorndorn said as he entered the lobby. “What are  

you doing here?”

“Mister …,” Martin sprung to attention and turned to greet Mr.  

Thorndorn.

“I thought you’d be resting. Boy, you don’t look too good.” Mr.  

Thorndorn went over to Martin and shook his hand.

“I thought I’d stop by and say hello. I bought some donuts for you  

and the crew.” He pointed to the pastry box on Candi’s desk.

“It’s good to see you already up and about.” He turned to Candi. “See  

that this man is made to feel at home, Candi.” He patted Martin on  

the shoulder before moving away and walking into his office. “I’ve  

got a few phone calls to make. Are there any messages?”

“Yeah. No. Not really. Nothing special,” Candi replied.

“Martin.” Mr. Cole said before closing his office door, “Candi will  

take care of you. If you need anything, ask Candi.”

Candi was already calling Jim Cole, thinking he might have time to  

show Martin around the plant.

“Martin. Stay where you are. I’m calling Mr. Cole to see if he can  

give you a tour of the place. Get yourself a cup of coffee.”

Martin removed his medication from his coat pocket and remained at  

the water cooler patiently waiting and trying to remove the child  

protective cap from the bottle of pills. Meanwhile, Candi held her  

position at the office helm, keeping an eye on Martin lest he sneak  

up on her again.

“Candi. Here I am.” Jim came down the corridor from his office and  

walked towards her desk.

“Hey Jim!” She was surprised that he had responded to her SOS so  

quickly. “Mr. Thorndorn wants you to show our new employee around the  

plant.” She pointed over to Martin, who tossed a pill into his mouth  

and followed it with a swig of water from a tiny paper cup.

“Martin?”

Jim turned to Martin and was shocked by what he saw. “Martin Griess.”  

He moved in slowly to shake Martin’s hand. “Why are you here? I  

thought …” he fumbled for words, “I thought you’d be resting after  

what happened to you. I’m sorry about hitting you.”

“So you’re the one.” He threw the paper cup into the waste paper  

basket and lightly touched his head. “Do you know how it happened?”

“I am not quite sure myself. It all happened so fast. I passed out  

after I bumped into you. We’ll have to ask Candi. I think she saw the  

entire thing.”

“Wait a minute. I know you from someplace else.” Martin suddenly  

connected where he had seen this man before Realife. “Didn’t you use  

to drive an ice cream truck?”

Taken aback by the strange question, Jim paused and looked at Martin  

suspiciously before responding. “Yeah. How do you know that? That 

was quite a long time ago.”

“Remember a little dog that you ran over.”

“I’ve run over a few dogs in my life.”

“It was a while back.” He bent over, palm open, measuring the  

distance from the floor to show the ex-ice cream deliveryman how tall  

his dead dog would have been if it had still been alive. “A poodle  

that would yap at anything that moved.”

The telephone rang and Candi answered with the traditional company  

salute. “Yes. Mr. Thorndorn is in. I’ll connect.”

“Yeah. I think I remember, vaguely. Since then I’ve been in the  

military, went back to school, job after job, got married, bought a house  

and had children.”

Within seconds, Mr. Thorndorn opened his office door and yelled to  

Candi, “There’s a bomb planted in the canteen. It’s supposed to go  

off at the morning break. Get everybody out!” He looked at his watch.

“Not another bomb threat,” Candi whined and sullenly called the  

police. She realized Martin and Jim were making their way down the  

corridor towards the office canteen.

“Jim, don’t go in there. I mean, get everyone out.”

“There’s supposed to be a bomb in the canteen.” Mr. Thorndorn shouted.

“Martin.” Jim said turning. “We just got another bomb threat.” He  

patted him on the shoulder. “Do me a favor and tell everyone in the  

canteen to get out. I’ll go tell the people in the offices.”

Martin did what he was told. “There’s supposed to be a bomb in the  

room! Everybody get out now!”

The handful of office workers who had collected in the canteen for  

their break were more disgusted by Martin’s appearance than panicked  

by his warning. Martin repeated his request and walked back down the  

corridor to Candi and informed her that he had done his duty but they had  

not responded. Jim overhearing, moved into action, ran back down the  

corridor and confirmed Martin’s announcement.

The disgruntled employees put down what they were eating and shuffled  

out of the canteen and into the lobby.

While they milled around, Candi instructed the employees that the  

bomb squad was on its way and they would have to wait until the  

premises had been checked. Many complained asking what the point was  

since this was not the first time, but Candi calmed them down by  

offering them donuts. Word got around that it was Martin who had  

brought in the donuts and soon he was being patted on the back and  

complimented for saving the day. Martin snorted with pride and his  

nose began to bleed.

Candi heard ringing in her ears and answered.

“Ms Powers? This is Mike Mueller from the FCT. I was wondering if you  

would have some time soon. I have a few things to ask you about the  

gala. I could come by during a break …”

A sudden large explosion and the subsequent crash of glasses and  

plates as a shelving unit imploded paralyzed the waiting staff. Panic  

then seized them and they all started to move to the exit as quickly  

as they could. The sight of Martin’s bleeding nose only augmented  

their desire to escape. Everyone pushed forward and the collective  

thrust propelled the entire mass out of the building.

“Hello? Miss Powers?”

Candi was still at her desk, stunned that she was still standing. “A  

bomb went off in the kitchen. People are fleeing the building.” Candi  

said, her voice cracking, and she watched them scatter.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Then honey, I’d advise you to do the same.”