08. rush - Sick Sacraments

08. rush

Rush: 

You’re listening to Newtalk radio. Spring is in the air and it is national Receptionist Day. I would like to send all those who serve their companies, keep track of scheduling and answer telephones, a big thank.you. 

A brief traffic check before we continue. Highway 99 is backed up at Sierra. Slow coming into downtown on I-5 and it’s also slow moving around the Manlove Road on-ramp. On 80, it’s smooth sailing till you get to Arden. Lite Rail is running on time with forty percent capacity. 

I am sitting here with a couple of liberals. Yes, they do exist. Let me introduce them. First off, Kate Lyon. Radical feminist and artist. Welcome Kate. My first question is for you. Do you think feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to mainstream society?

Kate:  

I beg your pardon! I could ask you the same thing. Too bad there is not a word for the ugly white male that is responsible for the mainstream. Because it would pretty much describe you to a T, you pill popping, bloated excuse for a human being. 

Listen Rush. It basically comes down to a bunch of angry white men with dubious power like yourself, on a crusade to take over the world’s resources. It is one big mason sect and you all have been brainwashed into believing that you are the one true religion and everyone should pray your way.

Rush: 

The switchboard is already lighting up, but before I take the first caller, let me introduce our second liberal. Dean Norman. Native Californian. You say you work at a record store and believe in peace and love. Why do you think the world hates us?

Dean: 

Woah. It’s a bummer man, being attacked. Maybe they don’t like our burgers. Maybe they don’t like us killing their leaders and supporting violent dictators. But you know man, I think we’re the ones who started it all. It’s because we’re a violent nation. Don’t get me wrong man, I love America but it’s our destiny to be terrorized.

Rush: 

Okay. First caller. Kurt from Rio Linda.

Kurt: 

Hello Rush. There’s a liberal if I ever heard one. I’ve been in the military and have protected my country my entire life. Now, I work for the FBI as an inner-city SWAT sharp-shooter. That’s the goal of a security force, defense. Spending is just another way of minimizing the resistance. It goes back to our founding fathers, always be prepared. Besides, God even says, the earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours. If we don’t do it, someone else will.

Kate:  

I am definitely going to say something about that. This type of narrow mindedness is exactly how we are poisoning ourselves. We are so immersed in our own waste and bad taste that we don’t see the danger. For example, there is no such thing as defense spending. It’s called military spending. No one is asking the right questions.

Dean: 

Yeah man. The military, like has turned into this country’s welfare system. I mean, if you have to pay college tuition, you gotta join the military. If you want a job, you gotta write on your application how long you were a soldier. No matter, if you come back all fucked up because you were out there killin’ people and you got your leg all blown off, or you’re sufferin’ from post dramatic stress disorder. The only hospitals you can go to without insurance are for veterans. The only way to buy a house is with a veterans’ loan.

Rush: 

Next caller. Tim, from Mojave. Is liberalism a mental disorder undermining the christian and judeo religions?

Tim Lee: 

In a way, yes. Liberals are not directed. They need to learn how to set goals for themselves. They need to learn how to be more efficient and focused, and that it is more important to achieve the goal collectively than to compromise. You can’t depend on liberals. They’re usually all boozed up or drugged out, scattered with crazy ideas about peace, love and happiness.  Contrary to what I teaching in my bible circle. That is, how to be disciplined. God did say that man is the ruler of the earth. Tho’ he didn’t actually use the word rape.

Kate:

Yeah. First you rape, pillage and destroy. Then you rebuild it like you want, and make a load of money in the process. Isn’t that what it’s all about. What country, people or land mass or, for that matter television program, is an exception to this phenomenon? It’s just a little bit of history repeating. 

Dean: 

Whoa, man. I wrote a poem about that. It’s called ’Touch Me, Whimsy.’ It came to me while I was toning my inner thigh muscles. Do you wanna hear it?

Rush: 

You wrote that! A reader sent it to me. Since when is the word ‘weird’ used in poetry? I’ll take the next caller instead. Al from Fresno. Does the world hate us because they believe that we’re just a bunch of drugged-out, pinko liberals? Excuse me, Dean, you wanted to say something?

Dean: 

No man. Just the opposite.

Rush: 

You smoke pot, don’t you, Dean?

Dean: 

Whoa! I am not going to say that I smoke pot on the radio.

Rush: 

Our caller, please. Al from Fresno. Sorry Al. What do you have to say?

Al: 

Dean sure sounds like a drugged-out, pinko, liberal to me, the kind that is ruining this country. He’s a perfect example. I’m sure glad that enough of us normal folk have moved to California to bring some stability to this state. Rush, I have been working as a television personality for many years. The media’s been crawling with liberals for decades. Working for Vox means sending a different message.

Kate:

Yeah. Because animals don’t judge. Your news agency just breeds fear into them.  Then starts the stampede.  

Al: 

I take exception to that. No one wants to know anymore about bleeding-heart liberal feminist antics. You know Rush, just the other day I was talking with my friend Bob Luck about this very same topic. You know what our solution would be? We’d make all those feminists wear american flag burkas. That’ll show them for shooting off their mouths.

Rush: 

I bet you guys had a good laugh. Thanks for you call. Next caller before we break. Danny, calling from Sacramento. Danny, what’s your opinion about liberals?

Danny: 

Liberals are lazy. If liberals were running this country, we’d have sunk to the level of the third world. Let’s get the facts straight. This is a capitalist country. It’s all about money, and if you want to make it in business, you’ve got to give the people what they want and make a profit. If you offer someone a better product, no matter how expensive, they’ll buy it.

Rush: 

Why don’t liberals understand that? It seems such an easy equation.

Danny: 

American products and know-how are exported around the world. Sure the climate has changed because of it. But I believe, as your caller from Rio Linda said before, God gave us the right to use the earth, that’s why he created man on the sixth day. We are the owners of this planet. We are not part of the chain. Whatever problems arise, it’s man’s responsibility to fix them. That is God’s master plan.

Kate:

What the world calls americanization, the US calls globalization. Liberals are not lazy. I have worked all my life to protect civil rights from you bastards. If my work seems in vain, it’s because I let people live how they want instead of convincing them what they want and making them into slaves.

Danny: 

The protection of our way of life, our beliefs is what it has always been about. And yes you’ve got to work for it. It doesn’t come easy, especially when we have to lobby tooth and nail to get what we want. My colleagues and I plan for maximum insurance. The Swiss have been doing it for years. They are some of the biggest global players. Look at them. These people are rich, simple and happy.

Dean: 

I don’t know if I like what you’re saying. Like, you’re blowing my mind. I work at a record store, have you ever heard the song …?

Rush: 

Let me interrupt. You are a homosexual?

Dean: 

Whoa man. Wait a minute. I thought we were talking about liberals.

Rush: 

We are. So, you do smoke dope, have sex with men and let ugly broads legalize your lifestyle. Case in point. Kate? Kate where are you going? Dean? Looks like Dean is going, too. Don’t worry listeners. We have a couple more liberals waiting in the wings. But first, a commercial break from our sponsors. You’re tuned to K.P.T.S. Newtalk Radio, 99.6 on your FM dial. Back in a moment.